Band 9 Model Essay & Analysis
Official Task 2 Question Prompt
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Follows the standard 4-paragraph structure required by IELTS examiners
Being obese was once only a condition that adults suffered from, but it is becoming more common in children. This essay will first discuss how fast food and a sedentary lifestyle are the primary causes of this growing problem and then outline how education and increased exercise are the most viable solutions.
One cause of obesity in children is the increasing popularity of fast-food restaurants. Fast food usually contains an exorbitant number of calories because it is very high in fat and sugar. In addition, young people are living a more sedentary lifestyle. Nowadays, more children choose computer games or social media over physical activity, so they are unable to burn the extra calories they are eating. It can be commonly seen in many western nations, for instance, that the number of children who participate in after-school sports has dropped significantly over the last decade.
The best solution to this problem of obesity is to educate children about the dangers of being severely overweight. If children are more aware of the types of diseases associated with obesity, they might think twice before asking their parents to take them to the local burger restaurant. Moreover, schools should introduce more exercise into their curriculums. If children take part in sport, the physical activity will allow them to burn calories and avoid weight gain. Schools where children are required to participate in at least one team sport, for example, typically have lower obesity rates.
In conclusion, many children are struggling with their weight because of eating too much junk food combined with a sedentary lifestyle. However, if schools give children enough information about the risks they are taking by doing this and require children to take more exercise, the problem can be alleviated.
Examiner Assessment & Strategy
How this essay achieves a perfect score across all 4 official grading criteria
Fully addresses every part of the prompt. Presents a well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas throughout.
Logical sequencing with effortless paragraphing. Sentences link naturally through referencing and substitution rather than repetitive connectors.
Uses a wide range of vocabulary with natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. Rare minor slips occur only as slips.
Employs a full range of complex structures naturally and flexibly. Produces error-free sentences with native-level accuracy.
Never present generic solutions in a problem-solution essay. Each solution must directly solve a cause or problem you identified in the preceding body paragraph.
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