Band 9 Model Essay & Analysis
Official Task 2 Question Prompt
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Follows the standard 4-paragraph structure required by IELTS examiners
In many places, children are involved in various types of employment. Some would say that this is utterly wrong, while others are of the opinion that this is fine because it prepares them for the workforce. I agree with the latter point and will show that, despite some concerns about its effect on education, working at a young age can enhance a person’s character.
It is often argued that working before the age of eighteen is wrong because it impacts how successful children are in their studies. This is because they are under increasing pressure to perform academically, and a job will force them to reduce the time they have to study. For example, a UK children’s charity found that children who worked part-time were less likely to achieve higher grades than those who did not. However, I believe the lessons children can learn from working are invaluable.
Getting a part-time job contributes towards children’s character development. It teaches them the value of hard work and exposes them to the real world, where they learn things they would never learn in the classroom. This can also result in them working harder and being more disciplined at school. For example, a teenager working in a restaurant for a few hours at the weekend can learn how to interact with the general public without their academic performance being negatively affected. For this reason, I think that concerns about work’s negative effects on education are unfounded.
In conclusion, despite fears that children will neglect their studies if they are required to work, I argue that a little work experience at a young age can build character.
Examiner Assessment & Strategy
How this essay achieves a perfect score across all 4 official grading criteria
Fully addresses every part of the prompt. Presents a well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas throughout.
Logical sequencing with effortless paragraphing. Sentences link naturally through referencing and substitution rather than repetitive connectors.
Uses a wide range of vocabulary with natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. Rare minor slips occur only as slips.
Employs a full range of complex structures naturally and flexibly. Produces error-free sentences with native-level accuracy.
Make sure your thesis statement in the introduction anticipates the conclusion without repeating the same exact words.
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