Band 9 Model Essay & Analysis
Official Task 2 Question Prompt
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Follows the standard 4-paragraph structure required by IELTS examiners
It is argued that children should be motivated to be competitive, while others feel that teaching them to be cooperative will be of more value as they enter adulthood. I believe that while competition can help children be successful, cooperation is more important because it teaches them to work within a team, a crucial adult skill.
Some argue that instilling a sense of competition in children helps them to achieve success in whatever they do. This is because being competitive creates a drive to win, which teaches them that hard work and discipline are the keys to success. For example, it is often the case that children who participate in competitive sports are less likely to quit when things are difficult and are, therefore, more likely to overcome obstacles in their jobs as adults.
Despite this, I would argue that children require lessons on teamwork more than the will to win. If children are taught to be cooperative, they learn the importance of working in a team, which is something adults are expected to do. Through working with others, children learn not only how to respect different opinions but also how to pool their strengths. For instance, preschools include cooperation as one of the first skills in their curriculum as they recognise that it is a vital social skill in all spheres of life. I therefore believe that teaching children to work with others is more important than giving them a sense of competition.
In conclusion, while instilling a sense of competition in children can help them succeed, I think that teaching children to be cooperative gives them the ability to work as part of a team, which is far more valuable later in life.
Examiner Assessment & Strategy
How this essay achieves a perfect score across all 4 official grading criteria
Fully addresses every part of the prompt. Presents a well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas throughout.
Logical sequencing with effortless paragraphing. Sentences link naturally through referencing and substitution rather than repetitive connectors.
Uses a wide range of vocabulary with natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. Rare minor slips occur only as slips.
Employs a full range of complex structures naturally and flexibly. Produces error-free sentences with native-level accuracy.
Always make your personal opinion clear in the introduction when answering "Discuss both views and give your opinion". Waiting until the conclusion to state your position weakens Task Response.
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