Band 9 Model Essay & Analysis
Official Task 2 Question Prompt
Many teenagers have their own smartphones. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Follows the standard 4-paragraph structure required by IELTS examiners
Many adolescents own a smart device. This essay argues that despite the main advantage of this being that they have the ability to stay in contact with their parents, I believe that there are more disadvantages as this creates a lack of face-to-face communication, which has many detrimental effects.
The biggest benefit of teenagers having mobile phones is the fact that their parents can call them and even check on their location. This is because smartphones have GPS, and many apps allow parents to accurately determine where their child is or simply message them to make sure they are safe. For example, messaging apps like Viber have a location setting so that parents can ask where their children are in a message and then check on Google Maps when their loved ones respond. However, I think that the lack of physical contact caused by mobile phone usage is a more serious concern.
Some believe that the drawback to teens having smartphones is that they reduce the amount of time they spend talking face to face. Most adolescents spend too much time on their phones. Face-to-face communication allows children to develop social skills and grow as human beings, and they may become anti-social adults in the future if they stare at a screen all day. For instance, it is very common to go into any coffee shop and see large groups of young people sitting around and not talking for several minutes because they are so engrossed in their smartphones. Therefore, I believe that smartphones, overall, have a detrimental effect on adolescents.
In conclusion, the primary value of teenagers having smartphones is the fact that their parents can easily stay in touch with them; however, I feel that the lack of in-person interaction is a more significant downside.
Examiner Assessment & Strategy
How this essay achieves a perfect score across all 4 official grading criteria
Fully addresses every part of the prompt. Presents a well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas throughout.
Logical sequencing with effortless paragraphing. Sentences link naturally through referencing and substitution rather than repetitive connectors.
Uses a wide range of vocabulary with natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. Rare minor slips occur only as slips.
Employs a full range of complex structures naturally and flexibly. Produces error-free sentences with native-level accuracy.
Structure comparative essays so your preferred argument comes second, leading naturally into your conclusion.
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