Band 9 Model Essay & Analysis
Official Task 2 Question Prompt
There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?
Band 9.0 Model Answer
Follows the standard 4-paragraph structure required by IELTS examiners
People are motivated to stay in the same job for many reasons, and a number of individuals think that money is the primary reason. I disagree that salary is the main factor because most companies pay a similar amount of money for the same job, and the culture of a company is far more important than monetary considerations.
It does not make sense to say that money is the primary reason why people stay with the same company because for any job there are many companies all offering a similar salary. This means that nobody needs to stay in a job simply because they are being paid well. For example, a quick search on www.indeed.co.uk would show that, at any given time in London, there are over fifty jobs for human resource managers that all offer a salary of around £80,000 per year.
What is more important is whether people fit in with the ethos of the corporation. People thrive in different environments. Some prefer a workplace that is very driven, while others like a more relaxed approach, with an emphasis on work-life balance. If a person feels as if the company culture is not in line with theirs, it can cause stress and, ultimately, their resignation. This is illustrated by the fact that some men and women leave high-pressure, well-paid jobs after they have children primarily because they value being able to spend more time with their families.
In conclusion, I disagree that wages are the most important consideration when remaining in the same job for a long period of time because if employees do not like their current job, they can simply move to another company and get paid more or less the same, and corporate culture is a far more relevant concern.
Examiner Assessment & Strategy
How this essay achieves a perfect score across all 4 official grading criteria
Fully addresses every part of the prompt. Presents a well-developed position with relevant, extended, and supported ideas throughout.
Logical sequencing with effortless paragraphing. Sentences link naturally through referencing and substitution rather than repetitive connectors.
Uses a wide range of vocabulary with natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. Rare minor slips occur only as slips.
Employs a full range of complex structures naturally and flexibly. Produces error-free sentences with native-level accuracy.
When refuting a common premise, acknowledge the premise first and then present logical counter-evidence showing why it fails to hold true in real life.
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